The Forgotten Second Years
by XxT3ARS-OF-BLOODxX
Summary: When the Forgotten First Years return to Hogwarts, they expect a far more relaxing year than the previous one. Instead, they return to an even more chaotic year, jam packed with a vicious new headmaster, a new rival school, obliviating disasters, death eaters, gays, and girl scout cookies. Sequel to The Forgotten First Years.
1. Chapter 1

**an: (btw this is a sequal if nobody knew that) welp it's everest back at it with forgotten first years if you haven't read it you should or you could also not if you don't feel like it. This story i think will still make sense if you haven't read the first one? But you still might be a little confused at first I'll try to explain. Thanks to rose for dealing with all of my mistakes and editing**

Jaxk pov

When. Do. I. Go. Back. To. School. Like I know that hogwarts and magic and stuff is all fake but I'd rather be at that prank school then with my adoptive parents. Ever since they found out I was dating critchie they won't stop asking about him and it's so awkward. They keep asking like the most personal questions ever ugh help me.

I woke up and went downstairs to eat some food and my adoptive parents were already down their. "Have you talked to crutchey today" my mom asked immediately.

I hadn't even entered the kitchen yet and I just turned around and went back upstairs homosexually. When will they stop asking this summer is torture. I got out my phone and started texting crutchey.

My other friends started texting about meeting at diagonally for school supplies later today. I'm glad to get out of my house and away from my parents and back into the "magic" world. I say "magic" because I know that all of this magic stuff is actually a prank my friends have been playing on me for a whole year but I'm just going along with it until they admit it. All of my friends are actors too even crutchie which means that probabaly none of them actually like me but oh well.

"Bye parents I'm leaving" I said shoppingly.

"Are you going to see you're boyfriend!" my mom asked excitedly.

"BYE" I said donely.

"Stay safe" my dad said annoyingly. I closed the door befor ehe could tell me anything else weird.

I walked to diagonally which was kinda far but I didn't want to ask my parents to drive me bacause there's a chance they would see crutchie and then they would talk to him ughhh that would be so weird. It makes me uncomfortble just thinking about it. Ughhhhhhh

I finally made it to fiagonally and i had to tap these bricks on the brick wall for the door to open. This is obviously not magic becuse this is all a prank it's especially obvious with this door and how you can tell it's not magic. All of the stores have all of these "magic" things which are oviously not magic you can pretty much see all the special affects everywhere. Its so ridiculous how someone would go to this much trouble to prank me. Oh well I still won't say anything.

I found my friends outside of the wand shop called olive garden. We all went to buy "magic" school supplies with these fake gold coins.

"So how's your summer" crutchie asked me politely.

"My parents are the worst" I said complaningly.

"What did they do" crutchey aksed wonderfully.

"They will not stop asking about you. Like where you live and what food you like and when your birthday is and ughhh it's so weird" I complained oofly.

"Oof" crutchoof oofed oofingly with oof.

Me and my friends peggy, katherine, eliza, angelica, maria, and crutchie got our school supplies prankily and I walked home.

"How was crutchey" my mom asked momly.

"BYE" I said magically.

I can't wait until we go back to school spending all this time with My parents is torture. We go back to school in like 2 days but I don't know if I'll survive that. Help

 **an: soooo that was the first chapter. What do you think? I have a lot of ideas for this story it'll be great**


	2. Chapter 2

**an: i know I literally just finished forgotten first years but it's good to be back writing this again. Well not literally because I haven't posted in like 10 years. Sorry about that btw. I've been really busy with schiol and stuff. I've also been trying to make longer chapters**

John pov

It's finally time to go back to sc hool I'm so excited to see my squad again. I got in an apartment with my squad who is alex, hercuales, and lafayette. We were having a great time until my least favorite person in all of hogwarts walked in.

"All of the other compartments are full can I sit here" he said.

Everyone looked at me because they knew that I hated him. I glared at him hatefully.

"Oh yeah sure" lafayette said and davey came and sat doen RIGHT NEXT TO ME WHY

"So…. how's your summer davey" hercules asked awkwardly.

"It was good I visited southeast asia to see some flying snakes" davey said snakily.

"That was very stupid of you considering turtles are better" I said fightingly.

"Speaking of snakes" alex said rantily "when I lived in the coribone i got bitten by a snake and almost died that was before my dad abandoned me and me and my mom got sick and she died and I didn't and my cousin killed himself and a hurricane struck my town and killed my brother and all pf my neigh bars and I hitch hiked on a boat where they found me and beat me up and then I snuck on another boat and they also found me and took me back and I snuck on another boat and they also found em and through me off the boat and I had to swim 60 miles to shore and I had to beg and write poetry for money even though I couldn't read but I could write so I couldn't proof read so not manu people bought my poems so I was poor but I had been poor all my life which is why I couldn't get treatment for the snake bite and I almost died but not that anyone would of cared if I died because my dad didn't really like me which is probably why he left and also why he didn't really care about me getting treatment for my snake bute and my noibers didn't like me eitger so they didn't care about getting my snake bite treated either and that was the first time I almost died the second time whas when I got really sick and so did my mom and my mom died but I didn't even though I got really close and she was one of the only people who actually cared about me which made me have to go live with my cousin who was also one of the only people who cared about me and then he killed himself deathly and then I lived with just my brother who was the last person alive who cared about me and then he died in the hurricane which was also the third time I almost died because the floods were so bad and that almost mede me drown and the fourth time I also almost died was when I was thrown off the ship when they found me hitch hiking and I had to swim 45 miles to shore and I almast stopped from exaustion and drowned but then I didn't and the fifth time I almost died was when I got to shore and I almost starved to death but then I got a little bit of money from begging so I could get food and then it wasn't enough money so I decided to write poems and I wrote a lot about death since I had almost died so many tiems and then I got my hogwarts letter where I almost got killed by voldemort twice and I also almost died in a forest fire last year while I was taking ariel on a date last year since I was entered in the bachelorette last year without my consent which is proabbly illegal but oh well I lost anyway and I didn't actally die so thats 8 times I've almost died but I didn't so here I am and I recovered from that snake bite"

"See snakes are deadly" I said antisnakely.

"Yes but that makes them cool did ypu know the most toxic snake is the inland taipan and it can kill 80 people" davey said wrongly.

"This is why no one likes snakes. Your literally the only one" I said.

"Then why is there a hogwarts house for snakes and not turtles" davey said antiturtlely.

"Uhh… well the state reptile of new york is a turtle and not a snake. Also you aren't in sbake house" i said factly.

"YOU KNOW WHAT" davey said threateningly.

We both stood up ready to fight and then hercules pushed davey out of the apartment notfightingly.

"Ughh… who in the world would think that snakes are better" I complaned annoyedly. "But like why isn't there a turtle house" I asked angerly.

"Idk man" lafayette said dabbingly. He was wearing nothing but an american flag speedo and every inch of his skin was covered in face paint of the american flag and he had recently dyed his eyebros to go with his hair as an american flag. He always dresses in the american flag. I didn't want to know if he had died any of his other hair with the american flag.

"If I had founded hogwarts I would of made all of the houses a ditterent kinf of turtle" I said wishingly.

"That's cool bro you could found your own house just like garbage house last year" hercuales suggested helpfully. He was wearing a red prom dress with black heels and a black headband. Hercules always has different clothes every day I don't know how he had so much money for clothes or if he found a way to rent clothes or something.

"Dude I could! But I would have to get the sorting hat to create it because that's the only way dumbledore would actually make it a real thing" I siad thinkingly. I decided that I would go in with the first years and get the hat to sort me again and convince him to make a turtle house. Sound fool proof. Soon davey won't be the one laughing…

 **an: will john get expelled for doing this? Will the turtle house be a real thing? Will john sucessfully be able to disguys himself as a first year? Who knows. Also I came up with an idea for a new fic but I probably won't be starting that immediately since I already have hunted. I'll just tell you that its a crosover between hamilton and those warrior cat books and it's gonna be amazing**


	3. Chapter 3

**an: and here we have another sorting hat pov if you don't remember forgotten first years had a sorting hat pov and it was one of my favortie chapter to write. And also when rose would tell people about my fanfiction without my consent to people like my family which was really embarassinfg it was the chapter she would show them I'm still mad about that rose you need to stop**

Sorting hat pov

This job is so boring why am I still doing this i should retire and sleep all day every day all year instead of being waken up one day every year to look at childrens thoughts which is not pleasent.

The first years walked in and one if them looked really familiar and he also didn't look like a first year at all. He was wearing a cowboy hat so I couldn't see his face to see if he was someone I knew.

The 2 poeple from garbage house were looking at me hopefully. I knew they were hoping that someone else would get sorted into garbage. Who knows someone might we'll see if anyone annoys me. Garbage house is a house I created last year for people who annoy me and these 2 girls kept arguing about things with me and I was really tired and I wanted to go back to sleep.

The sorting started and I really wanted to be done the second I was put on someone's head. Why must I do this. I started sorting kind of randomly so I could be done faster. Finally the only person left was the guy with tge cowboy hat.

"Your not on my list" mcgonagall said confusedly. "Did I miss you or something"

Before mcgonagall could do anything the kid ran up to the stool and yanked me on his head violently on top of his cowboy hat.

 _Turtle house turtle house_ he thought turtlely.

 _Oh yeah your that dude last year who was obsessed with turtles. There is no turtle house_ I said turtlelessly.

"John?" Mcgonagall said recognizingly. She was about to take the hat off.

"Wait no not yet" john said hurriedly. _Come on please make a turtle house just like garbage house_

 _No_ i said refusally.

"Get me off him" I said to mcgonagallly.

She took the hat and john walked away sadly.

Ok that was weord. But I'm done now so I can just go back to sleep until next year. Those people last year were the weirdest students I've ever sorted. I've never sorted a single person who was as weird as any of the people in that year. Also how did no one recognize that kid whose name I've already forgotten. This year no one annoyed me enough for me to sort them in garbage house which the 2 people in garbage house whose names I also can't remember seemed kind of sad about. Good that's what they get for annoying me last year at the sorting. Maybe next year I could actually make up a song unlike these past years where I've just been reusing old songs and the new song will include garbage house. Hmm maybe

They were about to let me leave when dumbledore got up to give a speech. It's a good thing he's back because last years head master was ritah skeetah for most of the year and she was so bad. She put writing trophies on the shelf in front of me so I was being squished behind all of them. And the headmaster before her was voldemort desguysed as dumbledore and I was the only one who knew but I couldn't tell anyone because i was just a hat and when voldy found out I knew he kept me in a trash can. Those were bad days.

"Hello students" dumbledore said headmasterly. "So this year we've added a new class to the coreycottulum. What's it called. Coriculum. It is a musical theatre class and it will be taught by medda larkin who is an amazing teacher. She's the one who taught me theatre and she also taught lord voldemort when he was at hogwarts. But anyways everyone will be taking that now" ew why would they do that. I hope I don't have to watch there preformences like ever.

Anyways now I can leave

 **an: that was kinda short sorry but I just love having the sorting hat as a charachter**


	4. Chapter 4

**an: wowww in this story I'm not spending like the first 12 chapters on each charachter getting there hogwarts letter so we're already at hogwarts. Also I kinda forgot to post chapter 3 on but oh well I'm posting it now**

John pov

The sorting hat is so mean. Why would it make a new house just for katherine and angelica but not for me. I just want a turtle house. If I can't have a turtle house I'll transfer to a school that does have a turtle house.

I went to the library to find wizard schools with turtle houses and I found a book on all the wizard scchools. It turns out that most wizard schools don't even have houses and there is no wizarding school with a turtle house.

I screamed in agony. "AHHHHHHHHH" I screamed agonyly.

"Are you being murdered" madame pinch asked sassily.

"Uh no" I said alively.

"Then be quiet" madame pinch said passionately.

But seriously if someone's gonna found a wizarding achool they should at least have a tutrlte house or esle What's the point in founding it. Then I got an idea… I will found my own wizard school with a turtle house. I just need to find the perfect spot to build it.

I started wandering around the school to find a place to build it. I decided to build it right next to the black lake. I got out my materials amd started building. It may or may not be a blanket fort. Now that I think about it that might be hard when it rains. Oh well we can can get some umbrellas or something.

So I've decided that I am the headmaster and all the teachers at the same time and I'll just have to find some stufents. I'm not saying I'm gonna kidnap people but I'm gonna kidnap people. I will have some houses they eill be tortoise, sea turtle, green turtle, and snapping turtle. I will only teaxh turtle related spells. My sccool is so much better then hogwarts it's called turtlefoot. Beat that dumblydore

Ok so now I need to quit school. I went to dumbledores office and he let me in.

"Hey dumbledore what up dawg I just wanted to let you know that I'm quitting school to found my own school and it's better then yours" I said competitively.

"Alright" dumbledore said calmly.

"Uhh ok I'll just be going then" I said awkwardly. Then I noticed something in the corner of the room. It was a tent? No it was an entire campsite with like a fire and everything? "Did you know that there's a tent in your office" I asked confusedly.

"Is there?" Dumblerore asked wonderingly. He saw the ten and went up to it to talk to whoever was camping in his office. "Hello canper I would appreciate it if you would not canp in my office"

The person in the tent came out. It was peggy! "Sprry i'll just be camping somewhere else now" she said apologetically. She started packing up her tent and camping gear and I helped her friendly.

I left with peggy. "Why were you camping in dumbledores office" I alsed turtlefootly.

"I just really love camping ever since I went over the summer. I haven't stopped sleeping in thks tent since" peggy said campingly.

"Ok then" I said okly

I went to find slme students for my school. Today was the first day of class so it shouldn't be hard to find lost first years in the hallway. I saw one up ahead and I went up to him, riding up in an old rusty white van notcreepily. "Hey kid do you like candy" I said even though I didn't have candy.

"Sure" he said cheerfully.

"Oh ok do you like turtles" I asked turtlely.

"Uh I'd never really thought about it but I guess" he said reluctantly.

"Ok that's cool" I said then I got out my wand and stunned him. I carried him back to my blanket fort and then I unstunned him.

"Where am I. DID YOU KIDNAP ME" he asked terrifiedly.

"No manz you've just transferrd schools" I explained headmasterly.

"That really sounds like kidnapping" he said judgingly.

"It's not. Your not allowed to go outside I'll be right back" I saod notkidnappingly. I used a spell to make a border that no one could cross but me. Then I went to find more first years. They weren't hard to find but for some reason all of them thought I was kidnapping them? Anyways I need to have a sorting ceremony so I need something to be the sorting hat. The only thing I could find by the black lake was a leaf so I put a spell on it to be the sorting leaf and I made all of my students hold it to be sorted. I had 7 of them sp there were 2 for each house accept fot one of the houses. I had built the blanket fort so that there was a classroom, great hall, dorms for each of the houses, and an office for me. Oh right I should probably feed these children if I don't want to be arrested. I showed the children there dorm trees and then I snuck into the gogwarts kitcheen for spme food. I found some ham and some cereal but there were no house elves around to ask for food so I just took the food I had found.

I've given all of the children nicknames. In tortoise house was michelangelo and rafael 2. In sea turtle there's rafael and leonardo. In green turtle there's donatello 2. In snapping turtle there's donatello and michelangelo 2. If you haven't noticed I'm naming them after the ninja turtles. That is our school song the theme song. There is no gender. Only turtle.

The next day it was time to start classes! The first thing I taught the children was a speell that made a picture of a turtle appear in the air. They all didn't seem to like me for some reason? Ohhhhh right it's probably because I "kidnapped" them. Oh well they eill have to learn to trust me if their going tp my school.

I heard someone outside saying "what's going on out here"

I went outside to see who it was but I didn't see anyone at first. Then I looked in the blacc lake and I saw areil! No one at hogwarts likes her because she is a known death eater who somehow hasn't been arrested yet and she forced us all to participate in the bachelorette where she was the bachelorette against our will. She also enjoys stalking race in her free time because she is obsessed with him creepily and in love with him and will not leave him alone even though he's dating spot. She seems to have decided over the summer that she doesn't care that race is muggle born and wants to get married again. "Ew go away ariel" I said disgustedly.

"What are you doing here" she asksd annoyingly.

"If i tell you will you go away" I asked annoyedly.

"Yes" she said aggreeingly.

"Ok well I've founded my own wizarding school" I explained proudly.

"Can I join" she asked mermaidlu.

"No. Didn't you say you would go away"

"I was crossing my fingers behind my back so it doesn't count. Let me in your wizard shool" she said annoyingly.

"No"

"Let me in your wizard school"

"No"

"Let me in your wizard school"

"No"

"Let me in your wizard school"

"I'm leaving now" I said leavingly.

"LET ME IN YOUR WIZARD SCCOOL"

That night I couldn't sleep because the entire night ariel was right outside repeatedly shouting "let me in your wizard school" overandoveragainly. I now have 2 options I can move my wizard school or I can let ariel in. It would be a lot if work to move but I don't want ariel in here. Maybe I can trick ariel by saying that I said I would let her in but I didn't say I would let her stay and expel her. But then she might go back to annoying me. Ughhh this is hard

 **an: which turtlefoot house are you? I'm tortoise**


	5. Chapter 5

**an: brw if you guys haven't you should read my other fic it's called hunted and it's newsies hunger games and I got rose yo write one**

Peggy pov

I love camping. Ever since I went over the summer with angelica snd oregano or whatever her name is I've never been the same. I'm also sort of accudentally finding out thkngs about people from camping in their rooms? Becuse people somehow don't notice my whole tent in their rooms?

Anyway something I just found out like 10 seconds ago from camping in the boys hufflepuff dorm is about spot. Apparently he makes really bad asmr videos? I went on youtube on my phone and found his channel and subscribed and liked all of his videos.

Then race walked in the room once spot was done filming and he said "what are you doing" oh no I'm in danger of being found since race is a particularly good finder.

"Oh you know… just… normal stuff" spit said notsuspiciously.

"Ok" race said platonically. I thought that was kind of weird since there dating but maybe I'm just imagining. Race somehow hasn't found me yet? Maybe he isn't even that good of a finder after all.

Sprace left to go to class and I left my tent to roast some marshmellows in the fire I had outside of my tent.

Someone entered the dorm. "Hey peggy" said crutchie normally.

"Hey crutchey" I said campingly. I offered him a marshmelloe and he took it and started roasting it with me. "How's life" I asked friendlyly.

"Good" he said cheerfully.

"Cool beans" I said coolly.

Lafayette walked in the room. He was wearing a american flag t shirt and jeans. "Bonjour" he said frenchly.

"Bonjour lafayette" I said americanly. "Would you like to roast marshmellows" I asked nicely.

"Sure" he said boringly.

We all roasted marshmellows together and then sprace walked in the room. "What are you doing friendos" spot asked confusedly.

I had an idea that I would casually hint at the fact that I knew about his asmr but never actually tell him I knew and leave him to wonder whether I actually know. This will be fun. "Normal stuff" i said referencely. He looked kind of freaked out for a second wondering if I heard that conversation. Success

"What's with the campsite" race aksed wonderingly.

"I'm really into camping now I'm surprised you didn't see this I've been here all day" I said casually.

"Oh cool" lafayette said litly. We all finished our marshmellows and then crouton got out his 5th bag of doritos today.

"Do you want to play barbies" crutchiwosalxnndkaksldke asked doritoly.

"Sure" I said yesly. And then we all started to play barbies.

The next day after I had spent the bight camping in the hufflepuff dorm I decided to to move my tent to a different place. I moved to the garbage house common room even though I didn't know the passward it was really easy. It was garbage house is the best. They should really change that if they want people to not break in. Anyway I set up my tent in the common toom and I lit my fire. You might be wondering how do I not burn hogwarts down. Well. I have started many fires all over hogwarts until I figured oyt how to do it without lighting anything on fire. I burned down the startbucks in my house because we're just that rich and my sister? What was her name? Lisa? Whatever her name is the middle daughter she had to go without starbucks for a while until we could get it fixed and whenever she doesn't have starbucks for a while she starts burning things which started even more fires. I also set angelicas room on fire multiple times.

When katherina and angelica got back they started talking about stuff. Like what they did over the summer and they were talking about someone who I assumed was dumbledore because they were talking about someone who was headmaster but they didn't mention any names. I think they were also talking about the musical theatre class because they were talking about acting and breaking character or whatever. There conversation was really boring so I just did normal camping stuff like hiking. I hiked all around the common room and turned on the fan to make wind to make it more like outside and I opened the windows too for some fresh air like outside. They still weren't noticing me. Kathgelica was eating some cheese pizza boringly and not noticing me even when I started hiking all around the room and on the couches they were sitting on. I set angelicas hair on fire and she still didn't even notice me or the fire.

I finally was getting bored of them not noticing me and I said to them campingly "hey guys do you want to join me in hiking"

"WOAH we did not see you their" angelica said cheesily.

"Yeah sure where are we hiking" katherine said focusedly.

"Just around the common room" I said excitedly.

We started hiking everywhere. Even on the ceiling. We had forgot to turn off the ceiling fan though so it was basically trying to murder us but we made it past it alive.

So camping has been fun I think I might camp in the gryffindor dorm at some point after garbage dorm camping is over.

 **an: I've only ever been camping once in my life and it was a really long time ago but I think it was fun? I don't really remember**


	6. Chapter 6

**an: oof**

Voldemort pov

Hmm who ELSE should I pretend to be with polyjuice potion?

Mcgonagall pov

I was sitting in my office trying to come up with punishments for my students. John laurens has quit school and started his own and I don't know how or if I should punish him because technically he doesn't go to this school anymore but he's on hogwarts grounds? He has gotten 7 students to quit school with him to be in his school so now there are 7 less forst years in the school. Maybe I should write letters to their parents? I really don't know what to do.

I have also recieved reports of an unknown student starting fires all around the school? It might be eliza but I'm not sure because last I checked the hogwarts starbucks was working.

I have also gotten multiple letters from ritah skeetah asking if she can be headmaster again. Of course she can't? She was haedmaster last year and it was a mess I should of been headmaster. I would of done a better job then ritah skeetah who is just a reporter. She wrote an article about her time at hogwarts and everything she mentioned in the articles didn't actually happen. We

I'm just so stressed man. Dumbledore hasn't really been halping me at all with any of this work. Maybe it was all that time in alka seltzer ban where he had to go most of the year last year to serve time for being voldemort.

I looked up from my desk where I was writing letters to the the parents of the children who left for johns school. The whole wizarding world should just start using phones but nooooo apparently we can't use muggle technology. Like what is this. 19th century russia? Who writes letters anymore. Anyways I looked up and I saw an entire campsite. In my office. Complete with 2 tents, a campfire, and an entire 5th grade girl scout troop. And who was right in the middle of it? Peggy schuyeler. I should just quit my job.

"Peggy… why" I said donely.

"What" she said innocently.

"You know what. I won't even punish you. Just please take these girls and get out of my office" I said stressedly.

"You sound stressed. Do you want to talk about it" peggy asked nicely.

"Fine" I said.

"Alrigt girls go somewhere else" peggy said troopleaderly.

"Lately dumbledore has been giving me all of the work and doing none of it himself. It's like we get it you had to spend a few months in azkaban. No one cares. Just get back to work. So now I'm stuck with all this work and he has nothing" I complained annoyedly.

"Hmm interesting" peggy said therapistly. "It sounds like you could use a vocation"

"Your right. I'll just go find dumblebore and make him do all of my work be right back" I said breakily. I picked up the mountain of work that was on ny desk and I went up to dumbledores office. I said to dumbledore sternly "I'm going on vacation here's all of my work you need to do while I'm gone"

"Ok cool" dumbedore said casually.

I went back to my office. Peggy was stull waiting their. "Do you want to come camping with me" she asked excitedly.

"I love camping" I said campingly.

"Here you can have my third tent. This ones mine and this ither one is for the girl scouts" she said girlscoutly.

We found the girl scouts in the library. Peggy introduced me to all of the girls and let me become a troop leader with her.

"Where did you find these girls" I asked scaredly.

"In the nearest muggle town. Their parents let me found their girl scout troop and take them camping. Don't worry I'll erase their memories after since there all muggles. I have practice in the obliviate spell trust me" she explained leaderly.

"I don't want to know" I said unteacherly.

The first place we went camping was the boys gryffindor forgotten second years dorm. Thomas and james were in there. "What are you doing" james asked healthily.

"Camping" I replied vaguely.

"Uh ok" thomas said confusedly.

We set up our tents and our fires. Peggy taught me how to light one of the fires while not burning down the whole school. I guess she was the pne doing that but since I'm on vacation I won't punish her for that.

"I'm hungry" thomas said hungerly.

"Do you want to roast hot dogs with us" peggy asked helpfully.

"Oh sure" he said acceptingly.

We all roasted hot dogs together. Later that day albert walked into the room and so did finch. They didn't notice us and started talking about stuff with thomas and james.

"By the way we have peggy, mcgonagall, and a whole girl scout troop camping in our room right now" thomas said interestingly.

"Cool" finch said finchly.

The next day we decided to go camping somewhere else. "Have fun camping" finch said lovingly.

We went to the slytherin dorm to go camping. "What are you doing" asked hercules. He was wearing jeans and an orange shirt.

"Camping" peggy explained cheerfully.

"How do you all fit in those tents with all of the girl scouts" jack asked curiously.

"We used magic to make it bigger on the inside" I said tardisly.

"Oh that makes sense" jack said acceptingly.

"Oh yeah people were telling us about how you've been camping around the school" aaron said burrly.

Camping is so much fun why did I not think of this before. We next went to the ravenclaw forgotten second years girls dorm. Maria and eliza were both weren't there at first and didn't notice us our whole trip. It's funny how so many people don't notice us.

Next the boys dorm for ravenclaw forgotten second years. Davey was reading a book about reptiles and alex was reading poetry and specs was eating chips. He was wearing a pair of pineapple glasses since he loses his glasses so often he has new ones very often. They also didn't notice us somehow even when one of the girl scouts axidentally set a bed on fire while alex was in it. He just calmly put it out wthout saying anything.

Why do people not notice us when we are camping. What is this school teaching these kids.

 **an: this is going to become an important chapter later on**


	7. Chapter 7

**an: i have no plans for this fic but I have so many ideas if that makes sence**

John pov

My turtle school is a success. At first all of the students seemed to think I had kidnapped them? Even thpugh I definately hadn't. Now they seem to like it. I figured iut the trick to showing them that they haven't been kidnapped is letting them outside.

Fpr the past 8 days ariel has not stopped asking to be let into my wizard school. It's so annoying. At fhis point I'm either gonna have to let her in or move my school. I really don't want to move my school so I'll just have to let her in.

"Let me in you're wizard school" ariel said for the 38294937189th time annoyingly.

"FINE" I screamed loudly.

"Wait really" ariel said deatheaterly.

"Yes" I said regrettedly.

"Yeahhhhh" she said nonwizardly.

I handed her the sorting leaf. "Green turtle" it said sortingly.

"Ok cool and your new name is leonardo 2" I said founderly. "Now I have something to go do"

I went and stood under the window to daveys dorm. "HEY DAVEY" I screamed. He didn't hear me so I screamed that over and over again. He still wasn't coming to the window. How dare he make a fool of me. This is the last straw. I'm getting a restraining order. So I did get a restraining order. If he comes anywhere near me I can get him arrested.

Davey is still ignoring me? Pay attention to me. I want to brag about my turtle shool to him and tell him that turtles are better. Why is he ignoring me. Oh well I'll just go party with my new students who have the best headmaster everrrrrrrr

We're founding a quiditxh team and a soccer team so we can play against hogwarts and beat them with the power of turtle. And hogwarts will definately lost because they have the power of snake and anyone with the powerof snake will automatically lose because SNAKES SUCK YOU HEAR THAT DAVEY? He's still ignoring me. Maybe he found out about the restraining order and is mad about that.

Anyways who needs daveys attention. I have my own attention. And my students. He's a snake lover and a turtle hater though so no one likes him or wants his attention ever especially not me lol

 **an: that was a reallllly short chapter but I don't know what else to write someone help**


	8. Chapter 8

**an: hi**

Peggy pov

Dude camping with my new bff minnie has been so fun. But now it's time to return the kids I… found. There parents will probabaly come looking for them at some point if I don't send them back.

I got the girl scouts to pack there stuff and get ready to leave. This is so sad I have to obliviate them so thqt they don't remember about hogwarts.

"Alright girls I am legally required to erase your memory of my entire existence" I said casually. The girls looked at me confusedly.

"Do you need help with obliviating" minnie asked me concernedly.

"No thanks minnie I'm pretty good at it" I soad confidently.

"If you say so" minnie said skeptically.

I held up my wand at the first gorl and I was about to obliviate her when dumbledore came down the hallway! "Hey peggo there are people asking for you at the door" he said adultly.

"Who" I asked confusedly.

"Idk man but they seem pretty angry" he said neevously.

"They must be these kids parents here to pick them up" I said calmly.

"Why they mad tho" minnie asked wonderingly.

"Who knows it's not like I'm late to give them back or anything. We all agreed that I would take them back tuesday" I said rememberingly.

"THAT WAS 2 DAYS AGO" minnie said surprisedly.

"OH NEWSPAPER" I said inappropriately.

We ran as fast as we could to the fromt door. "WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER" a parent screamed parently.

"They're here don't worry" I said calmingly.

"Where is this" a parent asked confusedly.

"Um so it may or may not be a wizard school?" I explaoned helpfully. "Oh newspaper I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Now i have to erase all of your memories of being here or I could get arrested" I said truely.

I held up my wand and obliviated all of them then I obliviated the children. "Where are we" a parent asked confusedly. All of the other parents and the children looked around confusedly.

"Success" I said to minnie and I gave her a thumbs up. "now you guys can have your kids back"

"I don't have kids" a parent said confusedly.

"Yes you do" I said. All of the parents shook there heads. "No look these are your kids. Hey kids aren't these your parents" I asked desparately. All of the children shook there heads too. "Oops" I said mistakely.

"Peggy…" minnie said disappointedly. "I thought you said you were good at this."

"Um well" I saod nervously.

"What do we do with these muggles" minnie saod wizardly.

"Send them back home?" I offered helpfully.

"Ok we can do that but what about the kids" she asked concernedly.

"Uhhh" I said thinkingly. "Thry can go camping at hogwarts forever"

Mimnie just stared at me. "You know if i wasn't on vacation I would tell you how stupid that idea is. But since I am just do whatever" she walked away stressedly.

"CAMPING FOREVER" I said celebrationly. The children cheered. I sent the parents home. Or I guess they arent parents anymore.

"Ok now that your troop is here full time we should do normal girl scout troop stuff" I said troopleaderly.

"Like what" one of the girls asked.

"Like… uhh… selling girls scout coooookitz" I said excitedly.

"YEAH" all of the girls cheered cheerfully.

I went to dumbledores office to ask him where I should keep the girl scouts. "Hey dumblydore" I said greetingly.

"Hey peggy What's up" he said askingly.

"Um so funny story. You know those girl scouts that were camping with me. So they kinda need to stay here at hogwarts for the rest of their lives" I explaimed nervously.

"Um" dumbledore said umly. "I guess I could get them a room"

"Great thanks" I said gratefully and I left.

Later that day we were getting ready to hand out samples of girl scout cookies for everyone because beleive it or not wizards don't have gorl scout cookies so most people at hogwats haven't ever tasted girl scout cookies.

"Hey profesor snape do you want to try a girl scout cookei" I asked proffessionally.

"No" he said surely.

"Are you sure" I asked.

"Yes I'm sure" he said.

"Come on there good" I soad.

"Go away" snape said meanly.

"Just one" I said annoyingly.

"1000 poimts from Gryffindor" he said.

"That's not even my house" I saod.

"Well I can't take points from slytherin because I obviously favor them so just leave" he said. I decided to leave before he killed me or somethjng. On the way out I tripped and a bottle on one of the desks broke and spilled on the floor. The cookies fell into the potion.

"FIVE SECOND RULE" I said yololy. I picked up all the cookies and they were only slightly wet so I just blew them off and me and the girl scouts kept giving out cookies.

I spotted spot and race in the hallway. "Hi guys do you want cookies"

"Sure" race said. They each took one.

"Why is it wet" spot asked grossly.

"Eh who cares I love cookies" race said disgustingly. He took a bite.

"I'm good" spot said disgustedly. He put the cookie back on the plate. "Your disgusting" he said to race. Race didn't agknowledge him at all. "Uhh race?" Spot waved his hand in races face. He still didn't respond.

"Maybe following the five second rule after dropping cookies in a random potion is a bad idea" I said wisely.

"You think?" Spot said sarcastically. "What potion was it"

"Uhh let me think… I think it was veritaserum? It was either that or poison or it might have also been fire breathing potion. I'm not really sure" I said mistakely.

"Ok well he's not dead yet or breathing fire so I guess it was veritaserum" spot said smartly.

Race started to talk about stuff quickly. "I haven't showered in 3 weeks. I have a tatoo on my left butt cheek of kermit the frog. I'm actually a death eater on polyjuice potion and all of the other death eaters are disguysed here too. I actually like the emoji movie but I pertend I don't because everyone judges me. I wrote my immortal."

 **an: plot twisttttttt**


	9. Chapter 9

**an: death eaters? At hogwarts? What will happen next? Who will live? Who will die? Who will tell your story?**

Spot pov

"WAIT" peggy said surprisedly as race kept talking.

"WHAT" I said surprisedly.

"YOU WROTE MY IMMORTAL" poncho said surprisedly.

"YOUR A DEATH EATER IN DISGUYS" I said surprisedly.

Race kept going on and on about how he likes powerade over gatorade and how he doesn't know what a cantalope is and at this point he's too afraid to ask. Or I guess it's actually not race. I knew something has been weird with him lately.

I pulled peggy away from him as he kept talking. "What do we do" I alsed oreganoly.

"We should find out which people are under polyjuice" pegleg said seasonally.

"Yeah. But we can't just let this dude go tell his death eater friends we know" I said thinkingly.

"Well… I have been practicing my obliviating lately" peggy said proudly.

"Then do it" I said.

Peggy obliviated the not race person and we walked away nonsuspicipusly. We went into an empty classroom.

"Dude this school is full of death eaters what do we do" I asked.

"I can't beleive we met the person who wrote my immortal" peggy said suprisedly.

"Ok fine I guess we just do nothing" I said angerly.

"Sorry… but does that mean all of the death eaters are here? And is voldemort here? What is happeninggggg" peggy said confusedly.

"I guess we just need to figure out who's not a death eater and then we'll go from there" I suggested. "Who has been acting weird lately"

"I've been axidentally stalking people while camping a lot lately so I've seen everyone doing stuff. Let me think… minnie wasn't acting weird"

"Who?" I askee confusedly.

"Mcgonagall. I call her minnie now because we're bffs" peggy said casually.

"Ok then" I said heroicly.

"Angelica was acting weird. I saw her eating cheese pizza but usually she doesn't eat pizza unless it has all these weird topings on it like fish and kiwi or whatever. She really likes eating weird stuff" peggy said rememberingly.

"Ok what about eliza" i said.

"Who?" Peggy asked confusedly.

"Eliza?" Peggy still looked confused. "Your sister?"

"Oh right that one. Isn't she like really obsessed with starbucks or something"

"Uh yeah? Where have you been"

"Um nowhere i definitely remember everything about eliana" she said wrongly.

"Eliza" I said.

"That's what i said" peggy said confidently. "Anyway I think she was acting weird because I didn't see her at all at starbucks I don't think. But we might want to ask one of the people who work there. Assuming that there not all death eaters."

"Yeah good idea" I said stillconfusedly.

"Ok and then there's also katherine. I turned on the ceeling fan in there dorm and she didn't stare at it like she usually does since she's obsessed with ceeling fans" peggy said terifically.

"Oh yeah that makes sense. I think john is probably not a death eater because he's usually this obsessed with turtles and I don't think a death eater would do somethjng weird like that" i said thinkingly.

"Oh and I was showing maria pictures of jacrutchie and she didn't really care at all so she's a death eater" peggy said rememberingly.

"And lafayette was wearing less american flag then usual. He was wearing jeans without the american flag and the only american flag thing he had was a shirt. Usually he's covered head to toe in american flags. He's a death eater" i said hufflepuffly.

"Aaron hasn't been talking to his girlfriend at all this year and I haven't seen him on his phone at all. Death eater unless he broke up with her which I think he would be more sad about" peggy

"Albert hasn't been rollerskating at all lately when he usually rollerskates everywhere. Death eater" I said.

"Jack hasn't been laughing at all at any magic or talking about how hogwarts is a prank. He just seems to be ok with magic now. Unless he's suddenly beleiving he's a wizard which I kinda hope he is because the whole thing is kinsa stupid but dont tell him that but he's gotta be a death eater" peggy said.

"Finch has been remembering things lately even though he has a really bad memory. Death eater" i said

"Specs has had the same glasses all week when he usually loses them after 5 minutes" peggy said.

"Who knew voldemort had this many death eaters" I said amazedly.

"Yeah and there's more. Alex hasn't been going on really long rants about his past lately and I saw him reading even though he can't. Hercules has been wearing normal clothes. I saw davey reading a book about all reptiles not just snakes. Thomas wasn't eating mac and cheese. James wasn't sick. That's like our entire year are we missing anyone"

"Hmm" I hmmed thinkingly. "Oh yeah there's crutchey. Is he a death eater?"

"Uhhh I don't think so actually. I saw him eating doritos and playing with barbies" she said mammally.

"Doesn't he work at starbucks? We can ask him about eliza" I said determinedly.

"Ok let's go" peggy said readyly.

We walked over to the starbucks in hogwarts and we saw crutchey working. We walked up to him carefully.

"Hey crutchie by any chance are you a death eater in disguys" I asked subtlely.

"Uhh no of course not why?" Crutchoie asked confusedly.

"That's exactly what a death eater in disguys would say" I said suspiciously.

"Tell us something only crutchie would know" peggy said americanly. "Uhh let me think… what's the name of your favorite barbie"

"Audrey 2. The first audrey I axidentally sat on her head and broke her…" crutchie said cryingly. "I'm sorry I just feel so guilty and I wish I could talk her her one more time and ask her to forgive me,.." cruthie was full on sobbing now.

"There there" peggy said confortingly. This is definately crutchey. No one else would get so sad about barbies. Soon crutchie was done being sad and he got back to work.

"Ok so we kinda have to tell him" I said to peggy.

"True" peggy said truely.

"Hey crutchie come here" I said callingly.

"What" he said comingherely.

"Umm so how do I say this" Peggy said stoppingly.

"The entire school including the students and teachers accept for us 3 and we think mcgonagall are death eaters in disguys." I said directly.

"What" crutchey said confusedly. "I don't beleive you"

"Have you seen eliza here at all since school started" I asked verbally.

"No… but-"

"We can prove it" I looked around the hallway for any death eaters in disguys. "Hey jack" I said seeingfakejackly.

"Hey spot what's up" jack said helloly.

"I just wanted to confess something… the entire wizarding world is a prank and you fell for it. Wow we got you so bad" I said lyingly. Newspaper i feel so stupid even talking about it.

Jack gave us a weird look. "Uhh ok spot? That's fun" he said confusedly. Jack left weirdly.

"We told you" peggy said to crutchey.

"Oh that makes so much sence now" crutchie said understandingly.

"Right? And watch this" peggy said. "Hey davey." Davey came over. "How do you feel about turtles"

"Um their ok I guess" fake davey said.

"Ok cool and do you know why a snake starts to rattle" I asked experimentally.

"Why" davey asked nonsnakely.

"Because they're scared. You can leave now" I said rudely. But it's ok because he's a death eater.

"It's like there not even trying to hide it" peggy said heroicly.

"So the entire school accept us" crutchie asked amazedly.

"Yes" peggy said yesly. "But the more important thing is that the one that's pertending to be race wrote my immortal"

"NO WAY" crutchie said suprisedly.

"Focus guys. We need to do something about this" I said proudly.

"Ok but what" crutchie asked.

"Like defeat voldemort? I wonder which one is voldemort" I said wonderingly.

"Probably dumbledore but also probabaly not? Who knows. He might not even be here. We should of asked that death eater before I obliviated him" peggy said regretfully.

"We could wait until their in the great hall and attack them all at once" crutchie suggested helpfully.

"Yes that is good" I said proudly.

"I wonder if the girl scouts are death eaters" peggy said wonderingly.

"Probably not because voldemort doesn't like muggles" crutchie livingly.

"Maybe they can help us" peggy said humanly.

"How" I asked confusedly.

"Uhhhhhhhh" peggy soad notknowingly.

"Exactly. But they don't know that we know so we can do anything surprisely" I said wisely.

"We can put them all under the imperio curse" crutchie said confidently.

"Or we can give them all a potion" peggy said.

"Let's do the potion one" I said legally.

We went to the potions classroom and we started looking for potions that could work. Peggy kept lookout to make sure snape wouldn't come in while we were searching the potions illegally. Then… I found… the perfect one.

"YES" I screamed excitedly.

"What potion" crutchie asked. I showed him and he screamed "YES" too. We grabbed as many bottles of it as we could find.

"Did you find something" peggy asked.

"Yeah we did" I said laughingly. This is gonna be greatttttt

"What is it" she asked wonderingly.

"Amortentia" I said excitedly.

"YES" peggy screamed alsoly.

We went into the kitchen to put the potion in all of the food and drinks. We decided to skip snape wisely because he would reconize the smell. We gave him confusing potion instead because it had no smell. Let's just hope all of the death eaters are too stupid to realize the potion in the food.

Dinner is in 5 minutea so we better get ready. This is gonna be sooooo funny. We went into the great hall and waited for everyone to come in.

 **an: oh no! Will it work? Keep reading to find out**


	10. Chapter 10

**an: hello hello hi hello hello how are you doing today**

Peggy pov

All of the death eaters in disguys started coming into the great hall. Me, cruncho, and spit were sitting near the door so we could escape if we needed to. But not that we will need to this plan is genious.

Everyone started comeing in and I don't know how we stopped ourselves from laughing it was soooo funny

The food appeared once evefyone was inside the grape hall and everyone started eating! It didn't start working immediately and we were looking kind of suspicious not eating.

Suddenly everyone stopped eating and got these weird distant looks they started just staring right in front of them. Then they all turned to look at me because I'm the one they all fell in love with.

"I wonder what would happen if I drank the amortentia. Would I fall in love with myself?" I asked curiously.

"Who cares just do it" spot said.

"Ok fine but I'm saving one of the bottles of amortentia so I can drink it later" peggy said then I stood up on the table and turned to the army of death eaters all in love with me. "Hey everyone what's upppp"

"I LOVE YOU PEGGY" one of them screamed lovingly.

"NO I LOVE HER" another screamed. The all started fighting over who loved me more.

"Ok so you know what would be great" I asked. I was about to tell them all to leave hogwarts and not come back but then I got hit with something? Like a stick? And I fell off the table. It took me a second to realize that it was crutchie who hit me with his crutch. "Dude what the newspaper" I said offendedly.

"LET ME FIGHT HIM FOR YOU PEGGY" one of the death eaters said. They all started coming towards crutchie ready to fight but he waved his wand and an invisible wall appeared so no one could get to us. Crutchey was looking noticably evil now. He waved his wand and me and spot both couldn't move.

"Are you a death eater or something" I asked jokingly but I also sort of wasn't joking because I was scared for my life.

"I'm not a death eater no" captain crunch said crutchily.

"Then why did you do that" spot asked.

"Well I'm not a death eater… but I'm also not crutchie" he explained evilly.

"Then who are you" I asked scaredly.

Crutchi waved his wand and all of the polyjuice came off the death eaters. Who knew voldemort had so many death eaters. "Look around" crutchoi said evilly. "Who is missing" he asked notcrutchily.

I looked around. I saw all of the death eaters in the crowd. But the one who's missing… oh… "voldemort" I said knowingly.

Not crunchey but actually voldemort smiled evilly. Then he waved his wand on himself and turned back into voldemort.

"But you've been acting exactly like crutchie" spot said notbeleivingly.

"At least someone appreciates my acting skills. All of the death eaters are such bad actors and that's how you figured it out but not me. You know back in my day they still had musical theatre in the curriculom and that's why I'm such a good actor but they took it out before all of my death eaters could go to hogwarts. I hope when this group graduates they'll have good acting skills because being a good actor is a neccessary life skill. That class was the reason I became evil you know. When I was at school I was really good in that class. But no one cared about how good I was because there was another more popular student that was better then me… dumbledore. He wasn't even that good though everyone just liked him better for some reason. It was the day he got the lead in the school musical instead of me that I vowed my revenge… so I became evil. And I started hunting mud bloods and muggles because there the worst at musical theatre. For some reason all wizards are really good at musical theatre it's weird. Some wizards would go into the muggle world and be in their musicals. Like jeremy jordan… corey cott… lin manuel miranda… laura osnes… ben tyler cook… there all wizards. But anyway I got a little sidetracked. I'm a really good actor and I'm so lucky I got to play the role of crutchie it was so fun. But now I'll have to kill you" voldemort ranted evilly.

"Or you could just not kill us. Tell us about your time at hogwarts" I said distractingly.

"I see what your doing trying to distract me but I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you about it anyways" voldemotgrt said happily. He started talking about his school stuff but I wasn't really listening I was actually trying to figure out a way to escape. "Your not even listening" voldmort said poutily.

"Uh yeah I am" I said lyingly.

"Then what was I talking about" he asked offendedly.

"Ummm how you lost your nose?" I guessed randomly.

"No I was talking about how I auditioned for phantom of the opera as christine but dumbledore was chosen for the role" voldemort said madly.

"I hate to break it to you but most broadway actors have noses" I pointed out helpfully.

"Really? You think that's my problem?" He asked concernedly.

"It could be" I said. "Maybe if I heard your audition…"

"I have 12 songs, 4 dances, and 6 speeches memorized I'll show you all of them" he said excitedly. Voldemort is suprisingly good at singing, dancing, and acting. While he was preforming I got an idea for an escape plan…

"ON MY HONOR I WILL TRY" I screamed as loud as I could.

"Are you interipting me" voldemort asked offendedly. "What is that noise?" There was the sound of voices coming closer and closer.

The girl scout troop came into the room reciting the girl scout promise: "ON MY HONOR I WILL TRY TO SERVE GOD AND MY COUNTRY TO HELP PEOPLE AT ALL TIMES AND TO LIVE BY THE GIRL SCOUT LAW" they chanted overandoveragainly. They tackled voldemort and the spells wore off. Me and spot were free and the invisible wall came down. All of the death eaters came and surrounded me.

"Hey can you guys leave and never come back thanks" I said. All of the death eaters left and only voldemort was left. He looked really angry and he pushed all of the girl scouts off him.

"Now I'm gonna kill you for real this time" he said threateningly. He picked up his wand. "AVADA KED-" right in the middle of saying that spell one of the girl scouts pantsed voldemort. He was wearing underwear with rubber ducks on them. We all started laughing really hard. "How dare you humiliate me like this" voldemort said threateningly. "I will be back and I will for real kill you for real." He left.

"He won't be back until the amortentia wears off his death eaters which should take a few months. I just probably can't leave the school until it does so the death eaters don't talk to me again" I said calmly.

"Wow congrats on defeating voldemort" spot said to the gorl scouts jelously.

"Ok but where are the actual students" I asked confusedly.

"That's a good question" spot said wonderingly.

We went and looked around the school but race is the particularly good finder not us so we were having some trouble. In the end they were all locked in one closet which was really small. How did they all fit in their. But oh well there all free now.

 **an: yeahhhh they defeated voldemort again**


	11. Chapter 11

**an: i have a chapter soon that jamie (that's roses sister if you didn't know) helped me with but first I have to have this chapter so now you have somethin g to look foreward to because jamies good at fanfiction I should get her to write one**

Davey pov

Wow I can't beleive I got kidnapped by voldemort. I wonder if coldemort is afraid of snakes like ⅓ of all adult humans. Hmm

I hope this doesn't mean dumbledore will have to leave again. We went into the great hall where dumbledore was giving a speech. "I'm gonna have to leave again" he said wisely. Oh gosh diddly darn. Some snakes have 3 lungs.

"Here's your new headmaster. She's from the ministry to make sure no death eaters get in the school. Here she is it's doloros umbrige" dunbledore said introducingly.

The doors to the great hall oened and a bunch of smoke came and there was a figure in the smoke. She was walking dramaticly in slow motion to the front of the room. There was a clapping sound affect playing. Or at least I think there was because literally mo one was clapping but I still heard clapping. She was walking very slowly so it took like half an hour. Finally when she got to the front she bowed and said "thank you thank you"

"So bye everyone" dumbledore said leavingly. He left sadly.

"This is so sad alexa play despacito" everyone said all at once.

"Dude forget about your stupid ex headmaster. He's a newspapering stupid face" umbrige said meanly. I gasped offendedly. Dumbledore is my bro man. "None of you do anything stupid or get detention. You over there you get detention because your not wearing your school uniform. You get detention becuse your hair is too long. You get detention for glancing over there for half a second while I was talking. You get detention for thinking voldemort is not a fictional character because he is. Actually you all get detention for that. Voldemort is fake news. K so bye"

We all left. I think this is illegal. I want a new headmaster. Voldemort is not fake news. The only person I know who would actually beleive that os jack kelley but he thinks the entire wizarding world is fake news so I wouldn't listen to him. Snakes only need to eat 6-30 meals each year.

I was walking back to tge dorm when I ran into someone who I haven't seen all year. "Oh… hey john" I said hatefully.

"Hello davey. Weird that I'm running into you here" john said talkingly.

"Yeah ok bye" I said leavingly.

"Did you here about my new wizard school" john asked enemyly.

"No" I said notcaringly.

"Well I founded it and it's called turtlefoot and I have 8 students and all 4 houses are turtel houses. It's better then hogwarts because hogwarts has no turtle houses and a snake house and snakes suck" he said meanly.

"Well that's the thing that makes hogwarts better the snake house. Turtleface or whatever it's called probably only has 8 students because no one wants to go to q school with turtles" I said fightingly.

"Its called turtlefoot and you know it. And… turtlefoot has never been attacked by voldemort" he said.

I was about to fight him by saying that voldemort probably didn't want to attack turtleshell because it sucks but then a voice from down the hallway yelled untruely "VOLDEMORT IS FAKE NEWS." It was umbrige. I groaned annoyedly. "You get detention because voldemort is fake news."

"I don't even go to school here" john said defendingly.

"So your breaking and entering? That's dounle detention" umbrige said detentionly. I laughed because that's what a turtle lover deserves. John stomped away psycotically. I was about to go back to the dorm when I saw peggy coming down the hallway to talk to umbrige. I decided I wanted to see what she was gonna do.

"Hey proffessor. So… hypothetically… if SOMEONE were to have taken ownership of a girl scout troop after accidentally obliviating the children from their parents memory then hypothetically would you let that girl scout troop stay in hogwarts. Remember that this is completely hypothetical." Peggy said hypothetically.

"No" umbrige said refusally. "Actually thats a new rule now. I'm getting my servent to put all of the school rules on the wall." She clapped twice and yelled "SERVENT" and filch came down the hallway dressed in a maid costume.

"Yes miss umbrige" he said servently.

"New school rule: no girl scout troops are allowed to be in hogwarts" she said dictatorly.

"Right away miss umbrige. Right after I finish putting up the rule that there are no grapes allowed in hogwarts." Filch left obeyingly.

"So yeah. No girl scouts in hogwarts." Umbrige said meanly. Then she left dramaticly.

Peggy turned to me. "Ok I think we can pull this off. If we just tell our entire year to not tell umbrige about the girl scouts or face my rath then she'll never find out"

"Ok let's go tell people not to tell anyone" I said helpfully.

We went into the dorm and everyone was out their complaneing about umbrige's new rules. I stood up on a table and announced "ATTENTION EVERYONE. So basically umbrige made a rule that there are no girl scouts allowed in hogwarts so don't tell anyone there here or face peggy's rath. Snakes don't have eyelids." I got off the table donely.

Alex said " ok that's cool. The coreybone where I'm from doesn't have any girl scouts or anything like that so I could never join anything or any clubs at all partly because I didn't go to school because I had to get a job after my father left so I'm pretty good at keeping secrets like this one because I had to lie about how old I was so people would actually hire me and pretty soon after that my mother and me got sick so they fired me for not going to work for so long and then my mom died so I had to make even more money since it was only me and my brother and soon we went to move in with our cousin so that was less money I had to make since my cousin had a job and I thought I might be able to go to school part time but then my cousin killed himself and I had to work harder at my job again and then my brothen was my last family left so I moved in with just him and we both had jobs so neither of us could go to school and then years later the hurricane came that destroyed my entire town and killed my brother so I had to get even more money with my brother gone but the place I worked at got destroyed by the hurricane and so did a lot of other places that peolle worked at so I couldn't get a job and I had to save up money to go to anerica and the school got destroyed in the hurricane too so I still couldn't go bot that I could afford it with all the school supplies and stuff to buy but I eventually got a job but it payed barely enough to keep me alive so I had no money to save to go to america so I decided to hitch hike on a boat so that's another secret I had to keep that I was on the boat but I guess I wasn't good at it at all because they found me and beat me up so I had to wait until we found another boat and I found one and I hitch hiked on that one and I had to keep it a secret that I was there again but again I wasn't good at it so they found me and took me back to the crapbin so I was back on the island and I still had no money and I couldn't get my old job back because they had given it to someone else when I left on the first boat so I knew that I had to get to america for real next time so I got on another boat and I had to keep a secret I was ther again but I guess I had gotten better at it then before because they didn't find me until we were almost there and they pushed me off the boat but I was a good swimmer from living on a island for years and during the hurricane it flooded really bad so I had to swim for 3 straight weeks when I couldn't even stop to sleep or I would drown but then the flooding went down and I could stop swimming so I had a pretty good endurinse so they threw me off the boat and I swam 109 miles to schore and when I got there I still couldn't do anything fun with my life like go to school or join anything because I was still broke but no one wanted to hire me probably because I had been reported dead multiple times and I couldn't read so I begged on the street and I had an idea to write poems so I saved up some money to buy writing stuff so I had to spend all o my time writing poems and begging so I still had no time to do stuff and still no one would hire me because I had been reported dead so many times which the first time was when i had gotten really sick with my mom and my mom had died so I guess they just assumed that I had died too but I hadn't and the second time was after the hurricane because no one could find me to rescue for 3 weeks but I actually was alive I was just swimming for 3 straight weeks because there was no where that wasn't flooded so I couldn't stand anywhere and they reported me dead and the third time was when I had left the island for the first time I hadn't told anyone because I had no family or friends left because they had all died in the hurricane or before the hurricane and everyone just assumed I was dead and the fourth time was when they threw me off the boat and they probably thougvht it was impossible for someone to swim that many miles to shore so they probably thought I drowned but I hadn't because I had gotten a lot of practise from living on an island for so many years and from the hurricane and many people have told me I should go to the olympics for being such a good swimmer but I can't because I spent all of my time writing poems and working and stuff so I had no free time to do anyhting fun in my whole life after my dad had left because he used to be the one who made all of the money but once he left that was when I had to grt a job but even before he left I we were really poor so we couldn't afford to do anything fun with our lives not even school so I never learned how to read but I taught myself how to write which wasn't realky that useful of a skill without being able to read because I couldn't reread what I had written to edit it so I spent sll of my free time writing but I never bothered to teach myself how to read even though I should of and after my dad left I didn't have any time to do that and I had to work all the time so I couldn't do anything with my life besides working"

"YEAH ALEX IS BACK" peggy cheered happily.

"Ok but seriously don't tell anyone or else we could get expelled" I said seriously.

I left the front of the room and I started thinking about what john said. He was right his school had never been attacked by voldemort.

"What's wrong davy" someone said. I looked up. It was spot.

"John keeps telling me that his wizard shool is better then hogwarts but I don't want to admit that he might be right because he mentioned that his school had never been attacked by voldemort" I said sadly.

Suddenly someone burst into the common room. "DID SOMEONE SAY VOLDEMORT DETENTION VOLDEMORT IS FAKE NEWS"

"No one said voldemort" I lied convincingly.

"I'm watching all of you" umbrige said creepily. She left watchingly.

"Let's just call him you know who" spot suggested helpfully. "Maybe we can get voldemort to attack his school" he said mischeifly.

I listened to his plan and we decided to do it but it might take a few days to work out so we'll do it soon.

 **an: that was a really long chapter**


	12. Chapter 12

**an: this is the chapter that jamie helped me with it's a pretty good one she has some good ideas. I think she should write a fic. Anyway we'll find out about davey and spots stupid plan to possibly kill both of them plus john and all of his students after this chapter**

Lafayette pov

Lately I've been hanging out a lot with eliza and she's my new best friend. I went to the great hall and sat next to her for lunch in the great hall. Umbrige came up and started to make an announcment.

"Um so hello students. I've sort of lost the sorting hat and I'm putting together a team to help me find it" she said unresponsiblely. "Who wants in"

Me and eliza looked at eachother. This sounds like the perfect thing for 2 best friends to do together. We both raised our hands and she picked us. The other peopme she picked were hercules and maria.

We went looking around the school. We should of gotten race to join us since he's a particularly good finder. Me and eliza kept getting distracted doing our new secret handshake. Umbrige got really annoyed every time we did it. Finally one time when we did it she grabbed eliza to talk to her. They thought I couldn't hear but I could.

"That's it. It's ruining the team. Its clear you can't look while lafayette is around" umbrige said meanly.

"What no! I am fine" eliza said.

"No. It's very clear. You need to have some alone time with him."

Everyone else on the team nodded at this.

"But having some alone time with lafayette during this crisis with lafayette… isn't that..umm...wrong?" Eliza asked scaredly.

"Oh sure it's wrong. Very very wrong. But just because it's wrong doesn't mean it shouldn't happen does it?"

"No I suppose not" eliza said and then she wandered off thinking.

I went outside to look for the sorting hat away from eliza and I was rescuing some bunch of flowers. Suddenly I bumped into John because I was right outside turtlefoot.

"Woah I didn't expect to see you here at your school" I said confusedly.

"Yes I come here every sunday" john explained.

Suddenly there was a slow creepy scary noise. We stared at eachother confusedly. Then we fell into a deep dark scary hole.

"Oh no i have been damaged" said me.

"I beleive umbrige is behind this!" John said.

"I deduced as much myself did I" I said smartly.

"She is behind a mega evil scheme to dominate our schools."

"How?" I asked wonderingly.

"By finding a powerfull gameboy of doom and fireing it at us" john said hatefully.

"Can we stop her?"

"Yes by finding the leafblower of satan" john explained knowingly.

"Where?"

"In the magical island hidden in the mountings of bunny rabbits opposite the pencilcase of hell" john said. "Come now we must find and seak our quest to do!"

"Indeed thee must hasten to hawk yonder" I said excitedly.

And with that we left. I got everyone on the sorting hat finding team besides umbrige to come with us.

"We are almost there" I said as we arrived near our journeys end.

"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh" said hercules as he fall down a cliff.

"Nooooo…" I said savingly. "There there it will be ok"

"No..this is something...you cannot ease" hercules said sadly.

"Why?" I asked confusedly.

"You don't have newspapers" herchles said badly.

"Oh" I said realizingly.

"Don't worry I feel better" hercules said betterly.

We went to the base where we would have our final battle.

Eliza found a moment to pull me away from the others to have a private moment.

"Eliza we have to do it" I said friendlyly.

"I know the team told me as well. Apparently our best friendness are causing problems for everyone else." Eliza said agreeingly.

"So we are aggreed? We finally let our best friendness out of their cages of repression they have been caged in all this time?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes. For the team" eliza said selflessly.

"No… for us" I said meaningfully.

We went to hang out bestfriendly and we hung out for a long time because we're best friends.

The others heard us hanging out but politely ignored it. This had been coming far too long to ruin it now and this team bonding was very much needed. And when everyone was ready to go suddenly the door opened!

"?!" I questioned exclaimingly.

Because in the doorway no other then umbrige stood! But instead of umbrige's usual smirk there was confusion on her face!

"Who… who am I?" mutered umbrige

"Who are you?" I said.

"Who IS she?" Maria also said.

"Who… who am I?" Umbrige repeated… "I don't know who I am!"

"Zomg umbrige lost her memory!" concluded hercules smartly.

"Indeed that is the only logical explanation" I said even though I thought of it before hercules but I was too cool to say so.

"DANG IT PEGGY" maria screamed obliviately.

"I say we kill her now" john said.

"That is a good idea" I said and I reached for the leafblower.

But then all the sudden we were surrounded! By umbrige's loyal followers!

"Lady!" One of them said. "We have brought you the sorting hat!"

The sorting hat! I saw it within the hands of the security guard. If only I could get to it! Then I remembered… I have the power of the american flag!

Before umbrige could turn to the minions I leapt foreward and grabbed the sorting hat from the loyal followers hands. I then appologised profoundly and patted the minions on the back.

"Umbrige" I said "I'm sorry but it's better for you never ever to remember who you were." And with my frenchness I crushed the sorting hat.

"Nooooo" umbrige said "now I will never know who I am."

"We'll get you SORTED out" I said wisely. Umbrige looked happy.

"Umbrige should pay for her crimes!" Yelled john.

"But she doesn't know what she did so it's unreasonable to kill her for it" I said wisely.

John recongnised that he was being a newspaper and that I was right all along.

"All we can do is help umbrige" said maria "and heal she with the power of love." She said.

But I thought long and deep about maria's speech. "I know a way to solve it" I said. "But let's first go home. I'm tired. We've done enough adventuring for today."

And we all went home.

"YOU FOOLS!" Umbrige said and we all came back. "You can't destroy the sorting hatby just crushing it" she said smartly and she put the sorting hat on. "I remember everything…" she said evilly. I screamed in horror. "Go back to school. You all get detention"

Yeah she's back. So much for the power of love.

 **an: weren't jamies ideas so good! She should write a whole fic shouldn't she**


	13. Chapter 13

**an: now we'll find out about the really stupid plan to get voldemort to attack turtlefoot…**

John pov

Turtlefoot is so lit. The only bad part is ariel being here. Oh sorry I meant leonardo 2. And I finally have daveys attention again not that I really cared about that but whatever.

And now hogwarts sucks even more because they have umbrige as a headmaster and turtlefoot has me as the headmaster so it's really lit. I should make fliers and hand them out at hogwarts to see if I can get people to switch.

But like:

Bad things about hogwarts: umbrige as headmaster, gets attacked by voldemort a lot, too many students, snape, too many rules, snake house, lots of other things

Bad things about turtlefoot: ariel

And that's how much better turtlefoot is and anyway I'm planning on expelling ariel soon. I said I would let her in my wizard shool but I never said I would let her stay in. Maybe I should get a restraining order on her just like davey. OH NEWSPAPER I FORGOT ABOUT THAT. Technically I could have him arrested now. Oh well I'll just get rid of the restraining order so I can continue to tell him how cool turtlefoot is so he gets jelous.

I went outside to find davey to talk to him about turtlefoot for the 4th time today and when I went outside I saw voldemort coming down the hogwarts grounds! Toward me! He put a spell on me so that I couldn't move.

"I am here to attack your school" he said evilly.

"DUDE NO" I said. If he attacked my school then I would lose one of my bragging points to davey.

"Yes" he said.

"Ok but if you attack my school then go for ariel first PLEASE" I said hatefully.

He came closer and people were starting to stare scaredly. Just as he was about to go in someone ran over and started talking.

"FIGHT ME VOLDEMORT" they said. It was spot!

"DID SOMEONE SAY VOLDEMORT HE'S FAKE NEWS DETENTION" umbrige said coming outside. Then she saw voldemort and just stared at him shockedly.

"Why" said voldemort lazily.

"Because I don't want you to actually destroy the school" he said fightly.

"Well too bad here I go" he said and he took away one of the clips and the blanket fell down.

"NOOOOO" I screamed denially.

"Dude that was mean" spit said madly.

"Ya know you are really annoying" voldemort said. "Avada kedavra" he said lazily and spot collapsed on the ground.

"DUDE THAT WAS MEAN" I said judgementally.

"Oh well. I'm satisfied now bye" voldemort said and left.

"Is he ok" I asked concernedly to the people surrounding spot. Davey was there checking to see if he was breathing or had a pulse. He shook his head.

 **an: oof I bet you thought that I would never actually kill a charachter. Well**


	14. Chapter 14

**an: spots dead this is so sad alexa play despacito**

Peggy pov

I was planning on camping by the forbidden forest and as I was walking there I saw a big crowd outside of turtlefoot. They had really shocked expressions on there faces. Then I looked over toward the forbidden forest and I saw voldemort walking into it! Then davey came and pushed through the crowd and I followed him. Spot was laying on the ground and he wasn't moving! Davey checked if he was ok and he shook his head. Omg I can't beleive spot is dead! I started crying sadly. Davey picked up spot and carried him away. I stood there shockedly.

I heard a scream come from the castle. Race started running toward davey who was holding spot. He came over and saw spot and started sobbing. "No no no no noooo" he said cryingly.

Later that day umbrige gathered us all in the great hall. "Ok everyone… a student has died today. By completely coincidental things and not being killed by voldemort because voldemort is fake news. Yeah his death was an accident. Oh yeah I should probably tell you who died. It was… dramatic pause… spot conlon" umbrige speeched headmasterly. Everyone gasped sadly or started crying. Of course I already had known so I was already crying but everyone else was really suprised.

"ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO METAL VERSION" someone screamed sadly. The song started playing and we had a moment of silence for spot as the song played.

"So his funeral will be tomorrow" umbrige said deathly.

Alex was sitting next to me and he depressedly said "I have been to a lot of funerals because a lot of people I know have died like my mom from when she got sick and I did too but I didn't die which is why I was able to go to her funeral and my cousin from when he killed himself right after me and my brother moved in with him and my brother from when he died in the hurricane that also destroyed my whole town and my house and tehre were a lot of funerals because most of people in my town died and it was a lot of people that I knew since the town was so small i knew most people in the town but most of the pieple in the towm probably wouldn't of cared if I died so no one would of come to my funeral if I had died all of those times I almost died but I went to all there funerals because I was so sad that literally no one I knew was still alive and I was really sad just like I am now but I didn't have an alexa to play me despacito or despacito metal version which was really sad because I was really poor and the carryborn didn't have any alexas or the song despacito so whenever I was sad which happened a lot espacially since my dad left me and my mom died and my cousin died and my brother died and my entire town died and my house died but all of those times I was sad I never had an alexa to play me despacito which was also really sad so it was like double sad." It does sound like a very sad life where you can't listen to despacito whenever your sad. I nodded sympithetically.

I went to camp by the forbidden forest sadly. I was alone because I'm not letting the gorl scouts leave their secret dorm so umbrige doesn't catch them and make them leave. I was being very sad in my tent alone because I was very sad. My tent doesnt have an alexa so I couldn't play despacito sadly. I guess I just didn't anticipate one of my friends dying? I got ready for the funeral sadly. Then the door to mny tent opened and someone came in… i couldn't belief my eyes… it was spot! Not looking very dead anymore.

"ZOMBIE" I screamed suprisedly. But I was Ready. I have spent years and years preparing for what to do in case of a zombie apocolipse. I pulled out my battle axe.

Spot dodged all of the times I tried to hit him with my battle axe. He is suprisingly fast for a zombie so I guess the movies were wrong. I need to figure out what to do fast. I have trained my whole life for this moment. I screamed to myself "ACTIVATE ZOMBIE APPOCOLYPSE PLAN NUMBER FOUR THREE ZERO NINE FIVE SIX POINT EIGHT EIGHT FIVE ONE TWO ONE ZERO SIX ONE FOUR SEVEN THREE SIX FOUR TWO SUBSECTION ZERO ONE ONE NINE NINE FOUR EIGHT SEVEN SIX SEVEN SEVEN NINE TWO THREE ZERO NINE NINE EIGHT POINT FIVE FOUR THREE ONE ZERO EIGHT SEVEN NINE SIX FOUR NINE FOUR POINT THREE SIX NINE FIVE FIVE ZERO ZERO SIX ONE." The plan I was talking about was the code for fighting the zombie with my battle axes. I probably just could of not screamed out the whole name but I'm so excited for the zombie apocolypse to finally be here I'm getting kind of too into it.

I swung my battle axe at the zombie. I'm way too out of practice with my battle axe since I haven't had an apocolypse preparations meeting in a while. I've spent countless hours memorizing the names of all the plans for zombie apocolypses amd what they were. It's finally here.

Spot the zombie grabbed the battle axe out of my hand and with strength I didn't even know zombies had he pulled it out of my hand. I pulled out my backup battle axe. He grabbed that too. I got out my third battle axe.

"Seriously peggy how many battle axes do you have" spot asked zombily. Huh I didn't know zombies could talk.

"I never leave home without at least 7 battle axes" I explained preparedly. I was running out of battle axes to fight him with because he kept pulling them out of my hand. Then I got out my last battle axe but it was a different type of battle axe… but still a battle axe. The second I realized that I had it I knew the zombie was done for. I pulled out the can of axe body spray and sprayed it all over the zombie. I used the whole can which is basically what people who actually use axe do anyway and he gagged and fell on the ground.

I pulled my shirt over my nose so I didn't have to breath the axe but I still ended up breathing it anyway. Why does this stuff exist. I was gathering my zombie apocolypse survival kit which I also never leave home without and all of my battle axes when spot started to talk again. "Wait peggy…. let me explain…" he said coughingly.

"Why should I listen to a ZOMBIE" I said meanly.

"Dude I'm not even a zombie" spot said humanly. How is he not a zombie? I saw him die amd now he's come back to life? I can't think straight with all of the axe in here. I'll need a new tent. I motioned him to come outside. "I can't come outside or people might see that I'm not dead" he said explainingly.

"Wait but for real you aren't a zombie" I asked disappointedly. I really wanted the zombie apocolypse to be here after all of that preparation.

"Sorry to disappoint you" he said sarcastically. "I'll explain everything… just is there anywhere we can go that doesn't smell like axe? Like do you have 7 backup tents just like you apparently have 7 backup battle axes? Where do you even keep those anyway?"

"Smart people know exactly where they store there battle axes. And I don't have 7 backup tents. Who has 7 backup tents?" I asked battleaxely.

"Who has 7 backup battle axes?" Spot asked suprisedly.

"I have a second tent in my dorm I'll go get. And don't worry I won't tell anyone your not dead" I said leavingly. "But you aren't a zombie right?"

"No peggy I'm not." Spt said annoyedly.

"Ok good" I saod and I left the tent and I finally got some fresh air. But also as soon as I opened the tent door the axe spread everywhere. The entire forbidden forest will smell like ace for weeks. This is all spots fault for not being dead. Actually now that I think of it I'm happy he's alive. I forgot about that part.

I walked up into the common room to get my second tent.

"PEGGY WHYDO YOU SMELL LIKE AXE" angelica asked yellingly. Everyone in the common room plugged there noses.

"Oh yeah. I sort of… accidentally… sprayed axe everywhere in my tent" I explained smellingly.

"But isn't that zombie apocolypse plan number four three zero nine five six point eight eight five one two one zero six one four seven three six four two subsection zero one one nine nine four eight seven six seven seven nine two three zero nine nine eight point five four three one zero eight seven nine six four nine four point three six nine five five zero zero six two?" Angelica asked concernedly.

"Come on angelica. Obviously it's zombie apocolypse plan number four three zero nine five six point eight eight five one two one zero six one four seven three six four two subsection zero one one nine nine four eight seven six seven seven nine two three zero nine nine eight point five four three one zero eight seven nine six four nine four point three six nine five five zero zero six ONE. How can you call yourself my sister? Only my true sister would know that so obvisously you aren't my sister. I can't beleive this. You traitor. You're gonna get caught by the zombies when the apocolypse comes and I'm gonna let them get you. I'm gonna look you right in the eye as your brains get eaten. Maybe then it will be important for you to know something so obvious. Seriously angelica. How do you not know that." I said offendedly.

Then another person that I didn't recognize started talking. "I knew what zombie apocolypse plan number four three zero nine five six point eight eight five one two one zero six one four seven three six four two subsection zero one one nine nine four eight seven six seven seven nine two three zero nine nine eight point five four three one zero eight seven nine six four nine four point three six nine five five zero zero six one was." Oh yeah my other sister. What's her name again? Erica? Elise? Ebenezer?

"Thank you… olga." I said thankfully. She looked confused. Oops wrong name I guess. "At least someone in the family took the time to know the zombie apocolypse plans. I won't let the zombies eat you."

"Wow thanks" eliza said sarcastically.

"But why did you use a zombie apocolypse plan" angelica asked zombily.

"Uhh… I thought I saw a zombie… but it was actually…" I looked around for something I could pertend I thought was a zombie "a bear! Yeah it was a bear. But I sprayed it with axe and used all if my battle axes so it left. But now I need a tent that doesn't smell like axe" I said suspiciously. I left before they could think anything was suspicious.

I got the tent from my dorm and I was gonna leave before anyone talked to me but then I saw race wearing a huge black dress and mascara. "Woah race what's with the outfit" I asked suprisedly.

"It's for the funeral remember" he said sadly.

"OH RIGHT I forgot that…" I almost slippdd up and said I forgot that everyone thought spot was dead but I caught myself and said "spot was dead." Race started sobbing again and I just left. What a great friend.

I went and put my tent up in a different area where it didn't smell like axe and then I told spot he could come to the new tent.

"Ah that's so much better" spot said notsmellingaxely.

"Ok now maybe you should explain why you aren't dead" I said suggestingly.

"Oh yeah. Well it all started a few days ago…" spot started storyly. "Davey came up to me all sad because apparently john was telling him how turtlefoot is better and they got in this whole argument about which school is better and then john brought up the fact that turtlefoot had never been attacked by voldemort so that made davey all mad and stuff."

"Awwwww my ship" I said shippingly.

Spot just ignored me and went on. "Yeah so I agreed to help him with that."

"so you got a whole voldemort to come to the school?" I asked confusedly. That sounds like a very stupid thing to do.

"No actually that wasn't voldemort" spot explained cleverly. "That was davey in makeup. You have no idea how long I had to spend teaching davey how to pretend to be voldemort. He would not stop saying snake facts."

"Wait… but I literlaly saw him right after voldemort left" I said rememberingly.

"Yeah we may or may not have stolen a time turner" spot said illegally.

"That's so cool. Can I have it" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah sure I guess we don't need it anymore" spot said.

"Yesssss" I said celebratingly. There are so many illegal things I can do with a time turner. "But what was the point of faking your death. You could of just had no one die"

"That was just for fun" spot said casually.

"Dude that's so mean. Your so mean. You haven't seen how sad race was" I said madly.

"At my fuberal I'm gonna make this dramatic reveal and he won't be mad at me" spot said confidently.

"If you say so" I said beleivingly. "Anyways your funeral is in like 5 minutes we should go."

And then we left for the funeral. 2 non zombie people that were definately human and did not enjoy eating brains at all.

 **an: i didn't finish saying the author note from the last chapter. What I meant to say was oof I bet you thought that I would never actually kill a charachter. Well your right. I'll probably wait to kill any characters until like way later so that I don't have to write too much without them. If I ever end up killing any idk. Although there are the charactera that I never use…**


	15. Chapter 15

**an: despacito metal version is an amazing song everyone should ask alexa to play it. I had to google how funerals work the only time I've been to one i was like 6**

Eliza pov

I can't beleive spots dead. He worked at starbucks so now there will be one less bartender at sturbucks. Will it close? Oh yeah and I guess it's also sad he died too. That's a thing. Wow I feel like such a bad person now. I mean I didn't really know spot that well but it's still really sad. I know peggy was good friends withhim. I saw her walkiing in not looking really sad. That's weird. She's been acting really werid lately.

"Hey peggy" I said cheerfulbutnottoocheerfulbecausesomeonejustdiedly.

"Oh hey… elsa" peggy said toocheerfulafterherfriendjustdiedly. It's also really weird how she keeps pretending to forget my name. And she keeps avoiding me? Or just not talking to me?

"You still smell like axe" I said smellingly.

"Ugh" she said alively.

"Why do you look not sad?" I asked confusedly.

"Uh no I'm really sad. See?" she said and made a frowny face.

"Ok" I said.

"Well I better go find a seat" she said changingthesubjectly. And then she left weirdly. She's so weird. Maybe I should ask angelica what's up with her?

I went to find angelica who was sitting with katherine. Awwwww their so cute. "Hey angelica" I said questionly.

"Yeah eliza" angelica said sadly.

"Sorry if this is a bad time but have you noticed something weird with peggy lately" I asked wonderingly.

Angelica made a realizing face but then she stopped making the face and made a normal face. "I don't know what your talking about" she said lyingly.

"Come on I know your lying" I said askingly.

"Why would I be lying" she said casually. She's such a good liar if I hadn't seen the realizing face and if I wasn't her sister I wouldn't of been able to tell.

"I don't know you tell me" I said wantingtoknowthetruthly.

Angelica made a confused face. I was about to give up but then katherine turned around and said "come on angelica to anyone who knows you well it's really obvious your lyoing."

"THANK YOU katherine" I said. "So what is it angelica." Angelica glared at katherine and she gave her a smug face.

ANgelica said madly "katherine you know why I can't tell eliza about this"

"She knows?" I said suprisedly.

"She was gonna find out sometime" katherine said innocentlyu.

"But better later then sooner she finds out" angelica said smartly.

"Guys I'm standing right here" I said invisibly. They continued to ignore me.

"No the saying is better sooner then later" katherine said smartly.

"But in this case it's better later then sooner" angelica said arguingly.

"Have you SEEN how bad peggy is at hiding it. She was gonna find out whether you told her or not" katherine said.

"Yeah but peggy could of told her" angelice said.

"Then have peggy tell her" catherine said suggestingly.

"Fine." angelica said and finally turned back to me. "If you really want to know then ask peggy but i'm not sure if you want to know."

"Why wouldn't I want to know" I asked confusedly.

Angelica thought for a second. "Well…" she said carefully "it's gonna change the way you think about her."

I was confused. "Whatever happened of course I would accept it. She's my sister" I sadi defensively.

"No this is different. You would. trust me" angelica said surely.

"I don't know what could be so bad that it would make me see peggy differently" I said curiously.

"If you really want to know then ask her and I'll make sure she tells you. But think about it first" she said verbally.

"Ok I will" I said thinkingly and I went to sit down for thefuneral. I feel like everyone knows about this except for me but if it's really bad then I might not want to know. I'll think about it some more after the funeral because it's starting now. I decided to sit next to peggy.

Peggy was like fidgeting and stuff? And she kept looking at the door like she was waiting for someone to walk in? Could this have anything to do with whatever angelica was talking about? Ok yeah I definitely want to know. I think. Ugh this is such a hard choice.

Umbrige was the funeral director which wasnt really good because she hates everyone. "Ok so we're here today because some kid have the nerve to die. How dare he. What was his name? Spit? Sport? Snot? Lucinda? Who even knows. Ok new school rule. No one is allowed to die. It's a lot of paperwork for me. If anyone dies again then you and all of your friends will be expelled. Filch put that on the wall of rules" umbrige said orderingly. "What was I talking about again? Oh right this student died and everyone's sad. New school rule. No one is allowed to be sad at another students death because it's a rule that no one is allowed to die. So everyone stop being sad it's against school rules now. Filch put that one up too. Good. Now everyone's happy. On with the funeral."

Dude? We aren't allowed to be sad that one of our friends died? Umbrige is a worst headmaster then ritah skeetah who sucks don't at me.

"So now we have some speeches from stripe's friends. Who would like to go first" umbrige said meanly. She called race to go first.

Race started talking about spot but about 5 seconds in he started crying so umbrige threw him off the stage saying he was breaking the school rules and gave him a detention. When he still wouldn't stop crying she made him leave the funeral which was really mean of her. "Who next" she asked partily. It looked like no one was going to go up which I don't blame them for because I don't think I could of done it without crying and I didn't want to get detention. "Ok then it looks like the funeral is ov-" she started to say but then peggy raised her hand to give a speech. "Oh yeah sure you can come up" umbrige said notcaringly.

Peggy walked up to the front briskly and started smiling smugly. No stop that peggy that's not appropriate for a funeral. She started talking speechly. "I just wanted to say that spot sucked. He was such a bad person and-"

Peggy was cut off when the door burst open and the person who opened it said "WHO SAID THAT" offendedly. I assumed it was race because he's really the only person who would get so offended with insulting spot. Then I realized that it didn't sound like race. It sounded like… spot! I stood up to get a better look and it was spot! Looking kind of not dead.

"ACTIVATE ZOMBIE APPOCOLYPSE PLAN NUMBER FOUR THREE ZERO NINE FIVE SIX POINT EIGHT EIGHT FIVE ONE TWO ONE ZERO SIX ONE FOUR SEVEN THREE SIX FOUR TWO SUBSECTION ZERO ONE ONE NINE NINE FOUR EIGHT SEVEN SIX SEVEN SEVEN NINE TWO THREE ZERO NINE NINE EIGHT POINT FIVE FOUR THREE ONE ZERO EIGHT SEVEN NINE SIX FOUR NINE FOUR POINT THREE SIX NINE FIVE FIVE ZERO ZERO SIX ONE" I screamed planly and I got out my battle axe.

Peggy saw me and said proudly "IM SO PROUD OF YOU ANGUS. But it's ok he's not actually a zombie so you don't have to attack him." I lowered my battle axe reluctantly.

"What is with you schuylers and battle axes" spot said confusedly.

"It's part of our survival plan" I explained obviously.

"Ok well basically I'm not dead I actually faked my death and that wasn't actually voldemort either. It's kind of a long story" spit explained alively.

"HA I knew voldy was fake news" umbrige said knowingly. "New school rule. Your not allowed to talk about voldemort because he's fake news. Another new school rule. No faking your death. That reminds me. Spot your expelled."

I gasped suprisedly. Spot said "but technically that wasn't a school rule before now so how was i supposed to know not to fake my death. It was an honest misteak it could of happened to anyone. I will just make sure not to fake my death next time."

Umbrige thought for a second. "Ok I guess since it wasn't a rule yet. But you have a warning. And another new school rule. No battle axes. Give them to me girls"

I sadly pulled out all of my 7 battle axes and gave them to umbrige. Peggy pulled out one and gave it to umbrige. "I mean all of them" umbrige said sternly. Peggy pulled out 4 more and gave them to her. "Everyone knows that you shouldn't leave home without at least 7. Give me all 7." Peggy pulled out all of them and walked away sadly.

"Ok filch get going on those school rules" umbrige ordered filch. Filch went to put up the new rules servently. Umbrige left too.

"Where's race" spot asked gayly.

"Oh umbrige kicked him out idk where" I said. "I'll help you find him"

"Ok sure" he said. I mean I'm not a particularly good finder like race but I might be able to find him.

We walked for a long time to find him and we finally found him in the great hall.

"RACE" spot screamed livingly.

"ZOMBIE" race screamed and he pulled out a battle axe.

"WHY does everybody have battle axes" spot asked annoyedly. The umbrige came out of no where.

"Battle axes are against the rules now detention" umbrige said and she took the battle axe. Then she left

"Chill dude he's not a zombie" I said chillly.

"What" race said confusedly.

"Yeah look I'm not dead" spot said alively.

"But why dIDNT YOU TELL ME" race said emotionally.

"Idk man but the important thing is I'm not dead" spot said livingly. Then he stepped towards race.

Race stepped backwards! "WHY" race said angerly. "IM BREAKING UP WITH YOU"

"Wait seriously" spot said suprisedly.

"YES SERIOUSLY GO AWAY" race said yellingly.

Spot was so shocked that he didn't know what to say so I just pulled him away sadly. My ship!

I pulled spot out into the hallway. "Are you ok" I asked spracely.

"Newspaper" he said.

I hugged him. Spot said inshockly "you fake your death once and suddenly your boyfriend hates you."

I stayed comforting him for a while but then he wanted to be alone.

I texted peggy to tell her the bad news. We have this color system like code acid green is they ran out of starbucks and code fushia is one of us forgot to do our homework. I went to the group chat with angelica and peggy and I texted 2 words I never thought I would have to say. _Code apricot_ I texted. The code for sprace broke up. From all the way accross the castle I heard someone who I knew was peggy screaming agonyly "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

I never thought this would happen. My ship.

 **an: oh nooooo why did I do that.**


	16. Chapter 16

**an: ugh how is rose such a good writer. Her fic is so good. Everyone should read it she published it on my account and it's called the boy from brooklyn and it's amazing please read it she says its bad but its not**

Angelica pov

Today is finally quidich auditions. We would of had them earlier but we got kinda distracted with like. Voldemort and stuff. Umbrige says she needs to approve anyone put on the teams? Which basicly just means she's not letting her least favorite students play quiditch. Me and kath shouldn't have the problem because we're only 2 people and I don't think umbrige hates us. Todays also soccer auditions but after that experience last year I'm not being on the team again if snape is the coach. He made us run insane numbers of laps and we never actually got the chance to practice soccer because we were so busy running laps even though the rehearsals ran like 8 hours over.

We went down to the field and got ready to practice quiditch since there's no one new in our house this year to audition (thanks sorting hat) and we decided to watch the auditions for the other houses. Snape was on the other side of the feild too because he was waiting for people auditioning for soccer to show up but no one was gonna show up because he sucks at coaching.

The same people from our year were on the teams as last year. In gryffindor it was thomas as a chaser and albert as a keeper. In hufflepuff it was crutchey as a chaser and race as a seeker since he was a particularly good finder but he was really bad at flying so he just stood on the ground to find the snitch and spot as a beater. Spot and race have been ignoreing eachother all day. This is so sad. Anyway on ravenclaw was maria as a chaser. And on slythirin it waspeggy as a chaser and hercules as a beater. Of course on garbage it was just me and kathrone. And on the soccer team was… nobody. Umbrige watched all of the auditions and kicked a few people off the team because they were talkingg about voldemort and he's apparently fake news. Whenever me and kath talk about him we refer to him as you know who because umbrige just suddenly appears whenenever someone says his name. It's so weird.

We all walked back to the great hall for lunch hungerly. On the way I ran into eliza. "Hey eliza how's it going" I asked casually.

"Hey angelica" she said happily.

"So… have you asked peggy about… that thing yet" I asked curiously.

"No" she said conflictedly.

"You don't have to-" I started to say

"I'm going to" eliza said surely.

"Ok if you want to" I said whalely.

Eliza left and said she was gonna ask her about it later. Oof

I sat down at the garbage table next to katherrine. We started talking about school and stuff.

"Attention students" umbrige said suddenly. We all looked up at her ughly. We really don't care what new rules umbrige has come up with in the last hour. "So just some new rules. Uhh let's see. Oh yeah. So. No obliviating allowed in hogwarts" she said. Everyone in the whole great hall glared at peggy who rolled her eyes. "And also anyone whose name is harry potter can't be in any clubs unless I say so. And that includes quiditch" she said.

The kid named harry potter looked at her unfairly. "I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now" he said sadly. I remembered that he was some second year who is also kinda famous for like having a scar shaped like the illuminati or something and having dead parents. What did that kid even do to deserve that.

"And another rule no one is allowed to say the word beans anymore." Where did that one even come from. "Oh yeah and one more thing. Boys and girls are not allowed to be within 3 feet of eachother." I laughed gayly. Pretty much everyone in my year was laughing gayly too. I was laughing so hard that I was literally on the floor. Umbrige literally just outlawed being straight. This is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. "Yeah that's so we don't have any couples doing anything… inappropriate. And don't think I won't know if you break the rules. I know everything that happens in this schgool. I'm watching all of you…" umbrige said stalkerly. "Oh yeah and one more thing. Snape has an announcement for us."

Snape walked up to the front and started speeching thursdayly. "As many of you may know noone auditioned for the football team this year. Since that happened profesor umbrige is letting me pick people who will be on the team this year. I will be choosing peopel with… skill." That means that he's choosing his least favorite students. This is so unfair. I was on the soccer team last yesr and it was a nightmare. I feel bad for anyone who has to go through that. "Here's the list of students who I have chosen for the team: race higgins, crutchie morris, finch, katherine plumber, angelica schuyler, peggy schuyler."

The list makes sense. Snape hates race because he always talks back to him. He hates crutchey because he's bad at potions. I think it's really unfair that he has to play even thought he has a crutch. He was on the team last year too and it always took him way longer to do his laps then us but we would wait for him and cheer him on. He hates finch because he always forgets instructions and ends up with completely different potioms. He hates me and kath because he just hates garbage house for some reason. And also last year when we did our laps for practise both of us would carry crutchey and he would get mad at us for doing it. And he hates peggy because of… the pupkin president obama incident.

We walked back to the common room and even though we were sad and mad about gettinng chosen for soccer we were laughing because we remembered umbriges new ban on heterosexuality.

When we got back to the common room everyone there was laughing too. I had an amazing idea. I stood on the table and yelled "hey everyone." Eveyone looked at me laughingly. "So do you remember how umbrige just banned being straight" I ssid reminderly. Everyone started laughing really hard again. "Yeah so I had an idea. What if whenever umbrige walks by we all just act as gay as possible." Everyone cheered. This is gonna b t. I went to sit down with katherine.

"This is an amazing idea" katherine said complimentingly.

"Haha thanks" I said platonically.

"Do you want to do it too? I mean like as friends just because of umbrige" katherine said friendlyly.

"Oh yeah sure. As friends. Platonically. Without meaning anything. Just because of umbrige. In a friend way. Sounds fun" I said casually. Why do I feel so weird about this? It's not like… I want it to be true… or anything… haha.

 **an: kkkkkkaaaaaatttttthhhhhhgggggeeeeelllllliiiiiccccccaaaaaa**


	17. Chapter 17

**an: bortles**

Eliza pov

Ok I'm doing it. I'm asking peggy about why she's been acting so wrid lately. I was gathering the courage to possibly have my whole opinoin of peggy changed. Peggy was sitting at a table nearby in the common room with a giant binder labeled "plans to get sprace back together" and she kept staring at spot but not race because he was not in the common room.

I was about to go up to her when race burst into the common room. He speed walked up to spot and pulled him up by his shirt coller and kissed him. So much for them breaking up. Peggy did a huge smile and celebrated a lot. Then they both left and peggy threw her binder in the trash kindofmadthatshedidntneeditbutalsohappybecausetheywerebacktogetherly.

While peggy wasn't doing anything I went up to her to ask her about the thing. "Hey peggy" I said and I sat down next to her.

"Hey… elphaba" she said weirdly.

"Pegyy… why" I said.

"What's wrong… olaf" she asked confusedly.

"Why have you been acting so weird to me since like last year" I asked annoyedly.

"Ohhh that." Peggy said undertandingly. "It's kind of a long story and I'm not sure you want to know."

"I asked angelica about this first so I've had a long time to think about asking you about this and I'm sure i want to know" I said confidently.

"But are you very sure? How much did she tell you" peggy asked cautiously.

"She told me that it might change how I see you? But I'm not sure what could be that bad. I want to know" I said decidingly.

"Ok if you really want to know…" peggy said relyctantly. "So um you how I'm… not the best at obliviating?"

"Oh yeah I know all about that" I said teasingly.

"Hey I'm not that bad" she said defensively.

"Whatever you say peggy" I said in english.

Umbrige came into the common room. "DID SOMEONE SAY OBLIVIATING? WHOSE OBLIVIATING? DETENTION." I told her that no one was obliviating and she believed me and left.

"So anyways… last year there was a reason I needed to obliviate myself. And…" she said.

"Ohhhh peggy" I said realizingly. "You obliviated me from your memory."

"Uhh" she said.

"No it's fine. I just don't know whyyou didn't tell me sooner. Is there any way to fix thid?" I asked hopefully.

"Not that I haven't tried. Unless…" peggy said thinkingly.

"What" I asked nervously.

"Well you see I may or may not now own an illegal time turner?" Peggy said innocently.

"Oh. That sounds very illegal. Let's do it" I said surely.

"Ok" she said. Then we went into peggys dorm tree because she didn't have to share so no one would walk in on our illegal stuff. We decided that we would go back and obliviate past peggy for her so that it wouldn't get messed up and she would stull forget what she wanted too.

"I'm doing the obliviating" I said.

"Why? I've gotten better" she said illegally.

"Because I don't trust you with obliviating" I explained gladly.

"Do you eveb know how to do it" peggy asked unsurely.

"Teach me" I said learningly.

"Ok… you just point your wand at something and say obliviate. Oh and you have to think about what you want to obliviate"

"Let me practice" I said readyly.

We went outside to find someone to obliviate so I could practice. We found the new defence against the dark arts teacher, profesor lockhart.

"Hey profesor lockhart" peggy said helloly.

"Oh hello peggy" lockhart said specially. "Did you know that one time I saved the entire country from a zombie apple collapse by fighting my way through an enrire army of them to get to a secret weapon that would kill all of them so I lifted an entire bus full of children over my head and threw it at the zombies and then I got bitten 12 times and right before I got turned into a zombie I was so smart that I came up with a cure and I was barely able to create it before I became a zomble and then I used it on all the zombies and they thanked me by throwing a feast where they tried to poison everyone there but I knew the cure so I had to fight 6 werewolves all at once to get to them to save them so I did and I didn't get turned into a werewolf either because I had sucessfully fought off all of them and then they told me that there town was haunted by 19 ghosts that kept haunting people meanly and I decided to help them get rid of them so I had to go into a haunted house naked covered in applesause to get them to come out and they did so I told them to leave or I would make them and then they took pictures of me to try to blackmail me but I was faster because I grabbed the camera they used and smashed it on the ground but not that it would of mattered if anyonw saw those because I'm so good looking so then I fought off the ghosts who tried to trap me in the house forever but it didn't work and I told them to leave and that time they did but there was an entire army of cowboys waiting for me when I got them to leave and so I had to fight all of them while still naked and covered in applesause and I got all of them to leave."

"Ok good for you we just wanted to ask-" peggy started but lockhart cut him off.

"How to become FAMOUS? Because I know all about that" lockhart said egoly. "I have been given 3819028 awards for being so amazing and famous. I don't blame you beingg famous is pretty great. I have written 408 books and they have all sold over 3 million copies each. And also-"

"Yeah whatever I'm just gonna do it" I said annoyedly as lockhart kept talking. "Obliviate"

Lockhart stopped talking for once in his life and he stared blankly into space.

"Um… profesor lockhart?" I asked nervously. I was only trying to obliviate the last 20 minutes from his memory so I don't know what was supposed to be happening.

He looked at me. "Is that me?" He asked confusedly.

"Oh newspaper" peggy said.

We both ran away and just left him their for someone to find.

"Just let me try again" I said pleasely.

"Nah we can't risk obliviating anyone else. It's kind of illegal now. I'll just have to do it because your apparently even worse then me" peggy said laughingly.

"Yeah oh well. You say you've been getting better lately so we'll see if that's true" I said trustingly.

Peggy took out her time turner Nd put it around us both. We had to turn it a lot of times to get it to go back that far but we eventually made it and we started to go back.

When we made it back to the past peggy told me where she would be and we went into the room dramaticly. Past peggy was pointing her wand at herself and she looked up at us. "DONT DO IT PEGGY" future peggy said dramatically.

"Who the newspaaper are you" past peggy asked confusedly.

"I'm you from the furure" future peggy said happily. "I never thought I would have a chance to say that."

"Ok" past peggy said understandingly.

"Let me obliviate you for yoy" future peggy said magically. She pulled out her wand and did it.

"Ok cool" future peggy said and we went back to the future.

"So it worked?" I asked sceptically.

"Yeah. I remember everything now. But what we just did wont effect the past at all because it's a huge plot hole that the author doesn't feel like fixing" peggy said breakingthefourthwallly.

"Ah that makes sense" I said individually. "Now we gotta go tell angelica what we did" I said excitedly.

Peggy stared at me blankly. "Who?"

I groaned. "You have got to be joking. Please tell me your joking."

"No" she said confusedly. "Should I know who that is?"

Ughhhh peggy is not that good of a liar so I know this is true. "Yes you should" I said madly. "Your other sister"

"I have another one?" She said suprisedly.

"Ok we can pull this off. Just don't tell her but this time don't be so obvious about it. Don't forget her name. Her name is angelica. And if you do forget it then just avoid using her name at all. And actually look at her sometimes. You'll do fine." I said confortingly.

"Ok yeah. I can do this" peggy said unconfidently.

We both realized that we had to go to class because we had our musical theatre class and that was a pretty fun class because I was suprisingly pretty good at it and so was everyone else in our year. It's so weird. It's almost all of us are actually characters in a broadway musical. Hmm.

We got into the class and sat down next to eachother. Angelica came in with katherine soon after. She looked at us for a second and then walked over to us.

"Hey guys" angelica said weirdly.

"Hey" I said cheerfully. Peggy didn't say anything so I gave her a look that I hope somehow told her that this was angelica and she had to say hi.

She seemed to have gotten the message because she looked up at angelica and smiled. "Hey… sister" she said casually.

Angelica looked at us thinkingly for a second. Then she made a realizing face and looked at peggy sighingly. "Oh peggy. You didn't."

"What" peggy said innocently.

"What's my name" angelica said challengingly.

"Why wouldn't I know your name… adele" peggy said notsuspisiously. Angelica just rolled her eyes. "How did you even know that" peggy said suprisedly.

"It's so obvious. Where did you even get a time turner?" Angelica asked legally.

"Nowhere" peggy said suspiciously.

"Ok whatever I'm not even mad. I'm angelica and I'm your sister" angelica said introducingly.

"Ok cool. I'm peggy. But you already know that" peggy said awkwardly. Angelica laughed and then she went to sit down.

Medda came in the room and we started working on our stuff. We're working on a performance of this musical that I had never heard of called newsies where pretty much all of us were newsies and we were going on strike from this newspaper dude who we had thomas playing. It was going pretty well accept davey kept saying random snake facts that weren't in the script. We had to compromise so that we would keep one in the script if he agreed to stop saying them. It wasn't even a good snake fact that he wanted to keep. Everyone knows why a snake starts to rattle.

 **an: I've had so many longer chapters in this story which is something I've had trouble with before I'm so proud of myself**


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